Grief – It Goes in Stages, and There Are Ways to Help
I took a bit of time off – sad times as a friend lost her son. It’s been hard to think about much else. Taken too young, still a teenager. This is the third time in less than a year that a friend has lost her son.
There are grief stages – people go through the stages at different times and perhaps not through all the stages. There can be denial, anger, sadness, despair, withdrawal from others, and more grief stages.
Grief help is available. Realize that you can talk to someone who is grieving – let her know you are thinking of her, praying for her, remembering her son, and say his name. Don’t say that you know how she feels, or give advice, or that you know someone who lost someone (or yourself) – until later. Offer help, offer meals, make donations, give hugs, anything she might need. She might want help with informing people, taking on a commitment she’d made (like volunteering at school, for example), rearranging her schedule, setting up a GoFundMe account, or just about anything that she’s too overwhelmed to think about. Just listen, say you love them, and say you’re sorry. Tell her you are always there for her. Text or message or post on Facebook – simply “Hugs…” – that seems to be a very well received message.
Make a point to talk about the person who is gone, but gauge how receptive the person is. Many would welcome a discussion. Ask how your friend is doing, even how he or she thinks the person who passed on is doing…comfort may help in getting a bonding feeling, to resolve the person is happy now, and waiting until all meet again in Heaven. Don’t offer advice or say you know how they feel… Don’t say things like God had a plan – it can cause resentment toward God, when leaning on God may be the best thing…
When able to think about the funeral, offer any help. It’s ok if she says no but knows you care enough to offer. There may be something later that she could use your help for – perhaps ushering at the service.
Grief goes through various stages – let them play out. There could be anger, sadness, forgiveness, and other emotions. Don’t try to shake off the feelings from yourself or from others. Let the emotions progress as they go. The one emotion to be careful about is deep depression – keep that in check – other people need the grieving person’s presence – don’t her slip into thinking of ending her own life. These phases might take various times to show up, even months apart…
Keep sending reminders, offers and prayers. Meet for coffee or anything. Offer to bring dinners. Just let the person know she is not forgotten and don’t avoid the person. She would love to hear or share stories and memories – just listen to her and take your queues from her. Maybe she needs to cry on your shoulders. Just be a rock for her to depend on.
Grief help is available from church staff – there is a prayer chain you can include the person on – ask for it. Ask to speak to a pastor or if she would like to speak to a pastor. Pastors often have helpful books to help with grief.
Counseling or therapy is very helpful for reconciling grief. Guilt might factor in.
Grief is too all-consuming. It may be a bit tricky to help in all phases but just be there for the grieving person…
PR