Finding the Right Facility for Dad

My Dad's Dementia Journey

Dad separated from his wife and needed to find a different place to live. Not only were they unpleasant with each other by then but the smell of her cooking made Dad dizzy for some reason. She cooked Russian food but might have used some herb or something that affected Dad. His dizziness made him fall down the stairs. We knew we had to get him moved out fast. We packed it all up and cleaned up his area.

He stayed with us for a couple weeks while figuring out the next place to live. He and I went to a few places to check them out and assess the possibility – he had a large dog at the time, so it had to allow him to bring the dog. Some had a waiting list to get on, so those did not work. One place had a corner unit where he could fence off the small piece of yard. There was a big park across the street that he could walk the dog at. It concerned me a bit because it was a busy street and he would have to go to the light to use the crosswalk. We went there twice and stayed for lunch to be able to talk to the residents. On the second lunch, one woman said she was leaving the facility to go to one in Colorado Springs. A lightbulb went up in Dad’s head, and he decided he would go search in Colorado Springs (which is where we lived when I was growing up and went to school there until I graduated from High School.

Dad checked a few places and landed on a Brookdale one in the south end of the city. He could get a full unit in a duplex, and it was right across the street from a huge dog park (though he needed to drive to the entrance since he would likely fall down if he tried to enter from the street since it was a steep access). It had two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, a living room and a small yard. Brookdale told us it is a graduated quarters facility where he can more to higher care if he were to decline. Dad would also be able to have a meal every day in the main dining room.

We got Dad moved in and fenced off the small yard. Dad did pretty well there for a few years but was a hermit of sorts, other than when he went to the dining room. He took his dog to the dog park nearly daily.

After some time, Dad’s decline became more apparent. He was spending so much money and hoarding things. He was missing payments. He wasn’t able to handle his finances. When I got a call that he missed three months of his rent, alarm bells went off. I paid the amount and my sister, and I realize we needed to get into his accounts to see what was going on.

Dad had passed out twice while in the duplex. One time he was in his driveway with his car door open as if he was getting in or out. Security found him and he was taken to the hospital. He also got confused about which locker room he was supposed to go to at the swimming pool.

Dad was ready to be moved to the next stage of the facility. My sister and I took him to check out the apartment rooms in a main building of the facility and worked hard to convince him to move. I took him to the front office so they could explain why they required him to move to a room with more eyes on him. He was no longer allowed to stay in the duplex. After a while he accepted it, at least kind of.

It was a bad time when we moved him – he fought it so hard. We had to hire a company to move his stuff out of the duplex after we got everything we could (there wasn’t enough room for all his furniture and other junk). He wanted to go back. For days he walked back to the duplex to see no one had moved in yet. After a while he gave up – he got too tired on the walk.

Dad is still in the independent living area but eating all his meals in the dining room so he need not fix any foods and just snack. We do not trust him to cook on the stove so it’s god that he doesn’t need or want to.

When he shows that he is declining further by being a danger to himself or to others, or is unable to groom himself anymore, then the next move will be to dependent living. The staff at Brookdale would gauge it and require the move if they see the need before we do.

I’m grateful Dad has been able to keep seeing the same friends there at meals. I’m grateful there are more eyes on him. I’m grateful to the staff for paying attention. He is in the best place we can imagine for him.

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Finding the Right Facility for Dad

My Dad's Dementia Journey

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